do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
