Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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