my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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