Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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