Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
