in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
