whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
