Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
