Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh god the rape fog is back!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures