dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.