I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she peed on how many people?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.