When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sex in a hospital.. check
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?