he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.