Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.