Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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