The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
