After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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