I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
