If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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