i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
