I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
