Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
