I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
