My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
