No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
