So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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