I think I won the penis lottery.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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