You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
