I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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