WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
