JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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