I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
