I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
