U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
