Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
