True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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