Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
