do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
