your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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