I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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