I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
