I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
