Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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