Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
