what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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