Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
