What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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