Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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