It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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