You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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