trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is Oprah even human
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
