Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
