I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
