I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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