I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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