dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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