someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
