I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
