We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
