I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
