Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
