i think my tv is drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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