gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
