when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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