Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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