People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
