I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
